It's Time.

The day is finally here. Jonathan and I walked our sweet baby boy down to surgery this morning. We got to his room around 6am and spent a good hour and a half with him before surgery called saying it was time to go. We walked down with Ariana, our favorite nurse, Chrissy, his evening NICU nurse, our med student Andrew, and Abby, the doctor. Oh, I can't forget the RT too. It was so hard. That walk felt like an eternity and giving my angel kisses for that last time before he was wheeled back was immensely overwhelming. I handed that surgical team a piece of my heart this morning and I just pray that God keeps it safe. Its been an emotional day. I have dreaded this day since we found out about his special heart nearly 5 months ago and it came sooner than expected after a weekend of complications.

The decision to press forward with surgery today came after a rather rapid decline this weekend. Let me explain. You all read about the events of early Saturday morning that led to Lukas being placed on a breathing tube. Saturday evening I stepped out to pick Riley and Hayden up from my mother's house and take them to my in-laws. On my way home Jonathan told me they were doing another chest xray to check the placement of his breathing tube. I found it a bit strange they were doing another one for what appeared to be no reason, but I didn't really think twice about it. Sunday morning I found out why. Lukas had an "event" that evening where he clamped down on his breathing tube. He had a vagal response. This caused his heart rate to drop into the 40s and his oxygen saturations to fall to the teens. Jonathan said they "bagged" him and he turned blue. Blueberry blue. His heart rate dropped to the point where they almost began compressions. He had another episode like this Sunday morning when his nurse simply did oral care. This happened 3 more times throughout the course of the day. Once in front of myself and Dr. Turrentine. I only needed to see it once and I never want to see it happen again. Those tense moments waiting for his heart rate to rise and his saturations to stabilize were horrific. I can't really think of a better way to describe it. I think my own heart stopped beating until his starting rising and I just sobbed afterward. It was a terribly difficult thing to watch. Once Dr. Turrentine saw the episode he mulled it over a bit. He came in and out of our room about 6 times before finally walking in that final time and saying "I think we need to press ahead for tomorrow. Its just my gut feeling."

So, here we are. The hardest day is here and now we wait. That's all we can do. I pray today is the day we get to watch Lukas start getting better everyday rather than worse. I pray today is the day Lukas gets his life back. I know the next week or so is going to be rough. I have no images of grandeur about that notion. I know his recovery is going to be hard, but I also know he is a fighter. He showed us that many times there in the NICU. He showed us all how strong he really is. I know he will pull through this and I can't wait to hold my baby again. I can't wait to tell him just how much I love him and kiss his soft skin.

To the NICU team - you all will forever hold a special place in my heart. You saved the life of our boy numerous times and we owe all this to you. You got him to surgery safe and sound and as stable as possible. You don't get near the praise you deserve for all you do. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I will keep the blog updated as we hear things from the OR. A nurse will come up every hour on the hour to give us updates and messages from the operating room. Please keep praying guys. Our little fella needs tons and tons of prayers right now to get through this big bump in the road safe and sound.