Raise Your Hand If You're Happy

*Raises hand enthusiastically* 

I saw my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephews yesterday and they told us some really cool news. You see, my brother-in-law graduated from medical school and they moved a little over two hours down south so that he could do his family medicine residency down there and eventually open a practice once it was complete. Well he had a pretty intense calling for surgery, so he applied for a surgical residency here at University Hospital (where I now receive my prenatal care). If he got in that meant they would be moving back to Indy for good and guess what? HE GOT IT!!! That means my sister and her beautiful little family are coming back to my neck of the woods and I am ecstatic, as I have really missed my sister the almost 2 years they have been gone. I am so excited and have the biggest, goofiest grin on my face. Oh I guess I should say CONGRATULATIONS BRANDON!!!! Way to go man!!

Brandon and sweet little Trenton (aka T-Boss) - image courtesy of my sister

my beautiful niece Paige, little Trenton, and my sweet nephew Brayden  =) can't wait to have them back!!! - image courtesy of my sister

My sister asked me this weekend how I was doing with everything and its a question I have been asked a lot in the past weeks, especially since our appointment at IU. The truth is, I still have my moments. Some days are better than others of course. We haven't had a terribly long time to come to terms with everything just yet. Its not even been two months, but we are taking it in a day at a time because that is all we can do. I can't change anything, as much as it breaks my heart. I still cry and I still get upset, but I do that when I am alone; when no one else is around. The truth is, I am still terrified. I wouldn't be human if I weren't. But there comes a point when you have to learn to accept things and move forward. We are taking steps in the right direction and its a good thing. Its part of the process. I think about the "what ifs" and I think about the bad. Again, its part of the process. But I make the choice not to dwell on those things because I can't live everyday of my life fearful for what tomorrow may bring. I have to live in the present and I have two other sweet little boys who need their mama too. So I have to be strong - for myself and for them. I have to put on my brave face and walk the tight rope even though it scares the hell out of me. There is not a second of the day I don't think about these things. Not one second. But I know in my heart things will work out the way they are supposed to and that's what keeps my mind and heart headed in right direction.

I have to keep focused on what positive, amazing things lie ahead. I know its going to be tough. I have no illusions of grandeur that everything is going to be perfect and easy because I know it won't be. But its our story and we are going to make the most of it. Make it beautiful and make it perfect and easy in its own unperfect, uneasy way. My mind is definitely in a much better place these days. Its filled with good thoughts that squish out the bad and its filled with hope and happiness. Our boy is coming into a world filled with people who love and adore him. People who cannot wait to see him and hold him. People who can't wait to watch him grow into the beautiful little soul he was destined to become. And it gets me excited. It gives me hope and it gives me guidance and it gives me that little nudge to keep heading in the right direction. 

So if you want to know how I am doing lately the answer is - okay. I am still a work in progress, I assure you. I am by no means healed entirely and my heart still aches in ways I cannot describe. But I am better. I am going to be okay, I promise. My boy is worth all of it and I won't let anything take away the happiness and sheer bliss I feel when I feel him move squirm around knowing that here shortly, I will get to see those movements out in the open. I will get to hear those sweet newborn cries and see the wrinkling of his perfect newborn skin.

Hopefully everyone had a beautiful weekend and you all soaked in every second of the beauty that is life! Keep on praying my friends! Happy Monday!