Seeing the World with Wonder.

Last evening I had a bit of a sleepless night. It was late and for some reason I just could not get my mind to turn off. So I picked up that book my mom bought me again. Remember it? "The Twelve Gifts for Healing." Well, the third gift of healing says "may you see the world with wonder" and that definitely struck a cord deep within me.

You see, I have viewed the world differently since we found out about Lukas' heart defect that fateful day in January. I just feel - different. Its not a bad thing of course, just different. Every week that our pregnancy progresses, I view it with a sense of wonder and amazement. Its amazing how much progress little babies make in utero, even when things are wrong. I view each kick with wonder and just marvel at how strong each one is. I even look at our boys with a sense of wonder. Not that I didn't before, of course, but its still different now. I notice the little things they do that make each one so uniquely them. Their growth, health, and beauty amazes me. 

he is literally impossible to get a picture of with actual eye contact

showing me his "post card" from Paradise =)

I even look at all of these amazing, intelligent doctors with wonder. Its amazing what they can do now in our day and age and its wonderful to know our sweet little boy will be in such capable hands. I look at our world in general with wonder. I drink every moment of every day in now when I really didn't before. I step outside and a I take a moment to feel the breeze. I take a moment to wave and smile at my neighbors who are outside. I take extra long to walk from the mailbox simply so I can suck up every beautiful moment. Our world really is wonderful despite the bad things many have to endure. 

Even the nursery brings about a sense of wonder in me. Imagining our future unfolding in that room. Seeing it come together piece by piece and bit by bit. I imagine rocking our Lukas in there and watching his angelic face as he sleeps ever so peacefully. I imagine our boys playing together on that floor as brothers. Watching their love and admiration for one another play out right there in front of me. With that said I decided to post one teeny tiny teaser picture for you all. Its the crib skirt I made, which just fits into the room ever so perfectly.

taken with my cell phone - what do you think?

With all of this wonder running through my mind and my heart I have to admit - I am nervous and a little scared. Our big appointment at IU is just six short days away. I am a little anxious about meeting our new team of doctors. And I am over the top anxious about this extensive ultrasound and follow up fetal echo. Everytime I think about it I sit there and say to myself "what if they find something else?" or "what if something has changed for the worse and we get more bad news?" I realize this is not the best way to view this upcoming appointment, but I would be lying if I said those thoughts didn't cross my mind occasionally. I am ready to see how much my boy has grown though. To see his tiny fingers and toes and the outlines of those little facial features I just love so much. His little kicks and movements have become so strong its incredible. I just know in my heart everything will be okay, but I have my freak out moments every now and again just envisioning this appointment. But I know its a step in the right direction. Its another step in this story that makes it so beautiful. Its another step towards the majesty and wonder we will know in the months to come and another step towards meeting the little boy who had my heart from hello.

And I just felt like I needed to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has read our blog and prayed for Lukas. It really means so much to me. Just to know that you would take a moment of your day to pray for the health of a child you have never met is beyond incredible. You have truly cradled my broken heart when I needed it most and given me a shoulder to lean on. So for that I just want to say a great, big THANK YOU! 


P.S. - Did everyone notice we will no longer be in triple digit numbers as of tomorrow? That's right - tomorrow I will officially be in the double digit countdown to Lukas arrival! Eek!