We woke up the boys and got them dressed. I made sure their bag was packed with the necessities since they were going to be staying with Grandma and Grandpa for the week. We dropped them off at my mother-in-law's and sat around for a few moments to talk. Jonathan stopped and got himself and the boys breakfast at McDonald's, which stunk for me considering I wasn't allowed to eat. We sat around the table while Jonathan, Riley, and Hayden ate and talked about the days events and what time we wanted the boys to be brought to the hospital. We decided we wanted the boys there before I was taken back to the OR so I could kiss my only two boys good bye before they became big brothers (for the first and second time). I needed them near me because as the moment drew closer the more scared I became. Finally at 10:30 I told Jonathan we needed to get going. We kissed our little boys and told them we would see them in just a little while. We walked out the door, got in the car, and made our way to University Hospital.
As the skyline of Downtown Indianapolis came into view the emotions started coming strong and steady. I was excited to meet this little boy who had my heart from hello, but man was I scared. I had absolutely no idea what to expect or what those first few moments after his first breaths would be like. I had a silent pep talk with myself that I could do this and that Lukas was going to be okay. I needed to believe it and believe it I did. When we pulled into the parking garage my nerves kicked into high gear. I had been nervous throughout the morning, but nothing like I was when pulling into that garage and watching Jonathan put our car in park. We grabbed our bags and my pillow and made our way inside while I took big, deep breaths and told myself it would be okay.
We got to the second floor and walked through the maze to the OBICU. I checked in and gave them my name. They smiled at me and said "you are the 1:00pm c-section, right?" I smiled right back and said "that's me." They told me Dr. Schubert was in clinic right now, which I knew, and said that he would be down when he was finished. I thanked them as Natalie, our OB nurse, walked toward us and introduced herself by telling us she would be taking care of us. She walked us into room 5 and said this was going to be our room for the time being. She showed me where my gown and footies were and told me to go ahead and get undressed while she went and gathered a few things. I grabbed the gown and footies off my bed and walked towards the bathroom. When I got in there I paused and asked Jonathan for my camera. I then looked in the mirror and took what would be my last belly picture. The clock was counting down and my time as a mama-in-waiting was coming to a close. I wanted to savor those last moments. After I snapped that picture I got teary eyed, rubbed that big belly, closed my eyes and said a prayer for the little boy inside. When I opened my eyes I finished getting dressed, folded my clothes, and walked out to sit on the bed.
A few moments later Natalie walked back in and got me strapped up to the monitor. His heartbeat was strong and loud and I beamed with joy. She had all the stuff next to the computer screen to start my IV and in the next few moments she had it placed. She let me know that anesthesia would be coming to talk to me soon as well as Dr. Schubert. She no more than finished that sentence and our anesthesiologist walked into the room. In the choas of the moment I really didn't hear his last name, only his first. It was Chris. He asked me if I had ever had a spinal before, which of course I had. He talked through the procedure of placing the spinal, the risks, and all that jazz before I signed my consent forms. Before he walked out of the room he asked if I had any questions. He was incredibly nice and said he would see me again soon. A few moments after he walked out a resident by the name of Dr. Pickett came in and introduced himself to me and said that he would be taking part in the delivery today. He joked around with Jonathan and myself before Dr. Schubert walked in. By this time my little boys and my in-laws were there. He came in and said that his clinic duty got over early, which never happens. He asked me how I was feeling and I made a comment to him about how everyone was torturing me by eating in front of me when I was starving. He came back at me with a comment about how he could always go and get his lunch and eat it there too. Very funny Dr. Schubert. He said he was going to get dressed in his proper OR attire and that he would see me soon too.
Then my Dad walked in. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him we were going to be going back in just a few minutes. I was getting more nervous by the minute, but I tried not to let it show. Natalie was looking at the monitor and my Dad peered over her shoulder and asked if I was contracting. Believe it or not I was in early labor, little did I know. Natalie told him I was and showed him the contractions on the screen. Anethesia walked back in and Jonathan was handed his delivery attire as well. Instead of scrubs like it had been in the previous deliveries it was a solid, one-piece white get up that kind of looked like a HazMat suit. He went in and got dressed and we all laughed hysterically as he walked out. He made a comment about how he looked like a certain male reproductive element and had everyone in the room laughing. I was handed my antacid drink, which is always disgusting. Then the time was here. It was time to walk back to the OR. They handed me the OR cap and told me to go ahead and get it on. After I was disconnected from the monitor I got out of bed and swallowed hard as I kissed Riley and Hayden. I told my in-laws and my Dad goodbye and told Jonathan I would see him on the other side.
That walk with Natalie and Chris, the anesthesiologist, felt forever long. The OR was mere steps from my room in the OBICU, but it felt so intense. Like something out of a movie. The OR was cold with its green tile walls and gray floor. The lamps shown bright above the bed and there were tools, trays, drapes, and people waiting for me everywhere. There were multiple surgical techs, who introduced themselves to me. Then the attending anesthesiologist walked in and introduced herself. They got me up on the table and had me sit Indian style while they tilted the table. I kept feeling like I was going to fall off. Natalie started her surgery time in, but the attending anesthesiologist stopped her because they needed someone else in the room. This delayed the process of placing my spinal just a bit while they called and got the person they needed in the room. Then the time in took place and Chris got started. He poked around on my back for a few minutes until he found the spot he wanted to go. He placed a little dot and then told me he was going to clean the site so I was going to be feeling something cold. A few seconds later I felt that sharp pressure in my lower back, but it only lasted for a moment. Then they grabbed ahold of me as my legs started going numb and laid me gently on the surgical table. Chris gave it a few moments to work up through my abdomen and he started the tests to see how numb I was. When he was satisfied they got me on oxygen through a nasal cannula as they got the drape up and got things set up to go. In those moments I started feeling terribly nauseous and started sweating. I told Chris who took my blood pressure. It was something like 60/30, which was met with a "guess we need to get that up, huh?" He gave me some medication to get my blood pressure up and I instantly felt better. Then everyone started walking in one by one. Dr. Pickett, Dr. Schubert, and another OB whose name I cannot for the life of me remember. I saw everyone getting suited up and asked about Jonathan. They promised he was coming. Then just as they were about to make that first cut Jonathan came in and took his seat next to me. I was trying to hold off tears as I felt things get going.
Jonathan looked at me and in just a few moments I saw people moving and Jonathan got up off his seat as I felt the pressure of that big push on my stomach. He was coming! Then the pressure ceased and I heard the most amazing sound in the world. I heard him cry. It was a strong cry too. I immediately broke into my hysterical tears as Chris gently rubbed my forehead and told me he looked amazing. They lowered the drape for me to see him, but through my tears I could only make out this little peachy pink blur. Jonathan and the neonatology team walked out of the OR with my freshly delivered boy and made their way to the surgical island where he would be assessed and stabilized. Then Dr. Schubert got to work on closing me up. There were lots of laughs and funny conversations that took place in that OR while he worked. I breathed a sigh of relief that Lukas was born screaming and everyone told me how beautiful he was and how great he looked. Before I was moved onto the gurney to go into the recovery room someone from the neonatology team came in to let me know that he was doing beautifully. They told me his birth weight and length and I just continued sobbing those big, wet, happy tears. They rolled me this way and that way and got me onto the gurney and wheeled me into the recovery room.
My family made their way in and out of the room when it was announced that neonatology was done and that Lukas was coming by to see me before he was transported over to the Riley NICU. I watched Melanie, one of the neonatal nurse practitioners walk through the door and she announced that I had an extra special visitor. A respiratory therapist followed behind her with the isolette that held my precious boy. I don't think she even finished her sentence before I immediately broke into tears yet again. They asked if I wanted to do skin-to-skin contact, which was met with a wildly enthusiastic "YES!" I unbottoned one side of my hospital gown and they laid this tiny, warm body on my chest. And in that moment my heart was bursting. They told me his saturations were in the 90s, which was way better than they had anticipated. He was a beautiful pink color and looked so perfect. His tiny hands and his tiny feet. I looked over every inch of him as I stroked his soft skin and just relished in becoming a mama for the third time. I washed that little boy with some of the biggest tears I think I have ever cried. I could have stayed in that moment forever. I closed my eyes so many times and just silently thanked God. I kissed my perfect boy and told him how much I loved him.
|photo by Daddy|
|my big boys meeting their baby brother for the first time courtesy of my family|
|picture from my sister-in-law, Mandi|
I even got to see him that evening. At first I was told I wouldn't be able to see him until the next morning because of my PCA pump. When the night nurse came in, she told me I could go. My sister had to work the next morning so she stayed that first night with me. She wheeled me over to Riley at close to midnight so that I could be with him and visit with my boy. It was amazing. He had a head full of dark hair and was just perfect in every way.
|taken from my cell phone|
If you read this whole thing, thank you =)