Tuesday, April 10, 2012


Neglectful. That's perhaps how I would categorize my involvement on this blog in the past several months. For that, I truly apologize. I promised to share our families story; our ups and downs. Our life today as we know it. And in that point, I've somewhat failed. And I am sorry. I promise to be better. I promise to post more and share more.

I guess I figured once Lukas got better the story wouldn't be as important anymore. I realize that's a completely ignorant statement. What I forgot is that his past is only part of his story and only part of his beautiful journey. What I realized is that its time to stop dwelling on the past and looking forward to the future. In the past year, I've been serious and emotional. I've talked a lot about Lukas' heart condition, how it affected me, how it affected our family, and how we've moved on from what I would honestly describe as the worst year of our lives. Now its time to live. Its time to live in the moment, watch these boys grow, and make the most of each and every memory good, bad, or indifferent. Like a flower in the warm embrace of the sun, its time to bloom.


So rather than dwelling on the past, its time to focus on the here and now. Its time to share with you what our lives are all about. I received an email the other day from a sweet woman whose unborn child was diagnosed with truncus. She actually said she found my blog encouraging and that although she was scared, our blog gave her hope. Hope that everything really would be okay. That's when I realized I needed to share more of what life is like now. Our everyday happenings. Maybe it will help someone just starting on this path to realize how beautiful the outcome can be.

In the past 10-months (hold on, can you believe Lukas is really 10-months old, ugh) Lukas has grown and changed so much. He smiles the widest smile I've ever seen and showcases those three chompers of his oh-so-proudly. He smiles and laughs constantly. He was sick a week ago. So sick in fact he ended up admitted to the hospital for dehydration, and that's one of the ways we knew something was up. He wasn't smiling and he wasn't laughing. Thankfully he's all better now and he's back to that little ray of sunshine we've all come to know. 

Poor baby desperately needs a haircut too. What is it about the emotions stemming from that first haircut? Why is it always so hard? Someone once told me that hair is the hair they were born with. And I've formed an overly sentimental attachment to that wild and crazy mane. Our little big Riley had a head full of long, curly hair just like Lukas. And we finally got it cut right before his first birthday because Jonathan got tired of people calling him a girl. We're getting there with Lukas too. At the hospital one of the nurses (not his normal nurse) walked in and said "oh, she has such beautiful hair!" I chuckled a little before responding "well, he's actually a boy that is just in need of a haircut." She felt so bad and I just laughed it off. It is constantly in his face and tickling his little ears, but it just kills me to cut it. Perhaps its because they always look so grown up and mature when you cut their hair. I'm totally not ready for that. Afterall, I am still in denial that he's only going to be a "baby" for two more months. Well, even less than that now. I'd be totally content if we could just freeze time and he could stay a baby forever. Impossible, I know. For now, I'll just soak up his last (less than) two months of babyhood.

Riley and Hayden are in their home stretch at school. They have about a month or so left before summer break officially begins. Riley's been asking about soccer and saying he wants to play again. Hayden has taken an interest too. In fact, they were kicking a soccer ball around the living room the other day. No, they're not allowed to do that, but I was so enamored by how improved their ball handling skills were that I just sat there and watched without saying a word.  They were really good! Soccer was a somewhat new concept to Riley last year and it really didn't appear he was overly interested. He would get distracted by a parent or another little kid who had food. He wanted to stop every 15 seconds and take a sip of Gatorade or water. I was under the impression that maybe soccer wasn't the sport for him, but now he asks about it almost daily. So we are going to sign him up again. Hayden is still too young to sign up with the teams like Riley, so I think we might try to get him in this Little Kickers program at an indoor recreation building where they have all kinds of indoor sports tournaments. We took them to Fort Harrison last week, where you can horseback ride and the boys loved it. They were too young to actually ride the horses (you had to be six), but they petted them and watched them and they loved every second of it.



And now that the weather has taken a somewhat premature and unexpected turn for the better, we've been spending lots of time outdoors. Our winter was unseasonably warm and we had virtually no snow. There were numerous days in March were it was 70-80 degrees. We don't live in the tropics, we live in Indiana. We had record breaking warm weather. Not that I'm complaining, of course. Its been nice to get the boys out of the house and spend some time in the sunshine. My ghostly pale skin appreciates it too. Jonathan and I did some yardwork the other week and I actually used a weed-eater for the first time ever. My hands shook for a good hour or two afterwards, but it was kind of a fun experience. I stopped many times just to let the rays of sunshine hit my face. There was something about the smell of freshly cut grass and the sound of lawnmowers all down our street that made me feel good.

Our last summer wasn't overly fun. We didn't get to do much because I think we were nervous to leave our house for more than five minutes at a time. Our poor boys were going crazy. I'm looking forward to new adventures this summer. New opportunities for our boys to experience things. And for Lukas to experience things. 


We've made plans, but for the most part we just want to live in the now. I don't want to worry what the future may look like for our little boy. For now, I just want to enjoy each moment as it comes. Drink in each and every second because its a piece of our story. I've made a new goal this year. Each day, I want to photograph some aspect of the boy's lives. Even if its just a snapshot. I want to look back on those photos some day and remember exactly where we were, what we were doing, what we felt, and the smile that came across my face when I captured that moment. That's my goal this year. Live in the now. Enjoy every moment as it comes and don't dwell in what used to be or what will be. Its time to really start sucking the marrow out of all that life has to offer.

So with that, I bid you adieu until next time.

p.s. - I thought it would be fun to have a little "Q&A" so you can get to know me and our family better. If you read this and you think of a question you'd like to know the answer to (any question at all) shoot me an email (nothingforgrantedblog@gmail.com) or hop over to Twitter and ask there (@prayersforlukas).
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