Holland Has Tulips.

I know I'm awful and didn't update Friday with a new belly picture. I wasn't feeling so good over the weekend so I attempted to get some rest. I promise to update with some new pictures of my little fella tomorrow after my appointment though. Maybe a belly picture too. Promise! 

Over the weekend I met a new heart friend whom has a little boy with truncus as well. She shared her story with me and answered some of my questions, which I deeply appreciated. She also sent me a wonderful poem. I had heard bits and pieces of it before, but never the whole thing. It was written by Emily Perl Kingsley and it's called Welcome to Holland. The poem was actually written to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability and while I in no way, shape, or form see truncus or any other CHD as a disability, it really is a beautiful poem and very descriptive of how life sometimes feels knowing what we know now.  Here is the poem for your enjoyment:

Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley

"When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."

So maybe this trip to motherhood wasn't exactly the the Italy I had planned, but its still a beautiful place. Even if was going to be my third trip to Italy, I desperately wanted to go there again. I wanted to experience that world for a third time, but plans sometimes change. I wasn't taken to a wretched, awful place at all. And I have met a slew of people I never would have had the pleasure to know before now. I was one of those 1 in 100 that get a detour and an unexpected change in flight plans. You know what though? Even if this isn't Italy, it is still full of beauty and wonderment. 

And the truth is, I will probably always mourn that loss of the journey I didn't get to take for a third time. It is a big loss, just like the poem says. But that doesn't mean I don't love or enjoy where I am now; in this different place. I am still taking it all in and admiring the scenery and joy that abounds. Just because this is Holland and not Italy doesn't mean I can't stop to admire those windwills, tulips, and Rembrandts. And that's exactly what I plan on doing.

Even though I wasn't feeling good this weekend, we still had a good one. The weather outside yesterday was perfect. It was warm and sunny and it was like the perfect little drop of sunshine fell right here in our backyard. And believe me the boys soaked it up. They played outside on their swingset and with their bubbles and they ran and laughed and had fun. So hopefully the winter cold won't find its way in our neck of the woods again and maybe more of these joyous outdoor adventures can finally take place. 

And Riley's spring break is over now, so he is way excited to go back to school today =)

Happy Monday friends and I hope your weekend was beautiful and filled with fun! And please say a prayer for our boy tomorrow, as we have another growth scan and fetal echo. 

P.S. - Sorry for the lack of pictures in this post. I promise lots and lots tomorrow when I update after my appointment!